For each statement, give yourself the following points:
NO = 0SOMETIMES = 1YES = 2
- I feel sexy and seductive.
- I enjoy turning my partner on.
- I initiate sex at least half of the time.
- I spend at least an hour with my partner everyday, checking in and communicating.
- I enjoy fantasising about sex.
- I know what stresses or problems my partner is facing right now.
- I enjoy talking to your partner.
- My partner is my best friend.
- I express my desires to my partner.
- I talk with my partner about our sex life.
- I prioritise intimacy by making time for us as a couple at least once a week.
- The last time I had sex, my mind wasn t into it.
- I feel my partner knows me well.
- I am satisfied with the frequency of sex in my relationship.
- When I watch a sexy scene in a movie, I resent that my sex life isn t as hot and steamy.
- I feel appreciated in my relationship.
- I spend more time and energy on foreplay and emotional intimacy than intercourse.
- I feel my partner listens to me.
- I actively listen to my partner.
- Pleasure is more important than orgasm during sexual play.
- I feel I have a healthy balance between my health, work, enjoyment activities and intimate sexual life.
- In the last month, I have (answer Yes or No only):
- Worn sexy underwear to please myself and/or my partner
- Played with a sex toy or accessory
- Turned down sex
- Gone on a romantic date with my partner
- Started sex and then stopped
- Laughed during sex
- Snuggled with my partner after sex
- Watched an X or R-rated sex film with my partner
- Shared a sexual fantasy with my partner
- Kissed my partner passionately
- Told my partner I loved them
- Masturbated and not told my partner about it
- Experienced discomfort during sex
- Regretted sex
- Lamented that my sex life is unsatisfactory
- Tried something new, sexually, with my partner
If you scored:
Between 0-19 points
Communication and creativity are both needed to revive the passion in your relationship. It is not uncommon to feel uncomfortable talking about sexual desires, and needs in a relationship, but couples that do, often find their sex lives filled with connection, vigour and spark. Consider sharing this quiz with your partner, and using it as a starting point to talk about some of the ideas you might integrate into your relationship to infuse your sex life with excitement and passion. Remember to pace yourselves, and start with small, realistic changes. Honesty is the best policy, and open communication, along with a team effort toward trying new things, will go a long way in changing your relationship from unsatisfactory to unbelievable.
Between 20-39 points
Your relationship is on stable ground, but could probably use an adrenaline spark to increase the passion. You may be feeling that your relationship used to be amazing, physically and emotionally, but some of that shine has worn off. This is very common, and most relationships, at some point, experience phases of disconnection between partners, low libido, low interest in sex, and lack of sexual creativity. Good sex in a relationship is fostered 24/7, not just in those bedroom moments. Look at your whole relationship to revamp your sex life. Increase the time you spend together. Talk openly about your ideals for your relationship: sexually, emotionally, spiritually and practically. Commit to energising your sex life by prioritising it. Add some more creativity and playfulness to your lovemaking. Look at the list of behaviours and attitudes on the quiz and talk about them, and how you'd like to commit to enhancing some of them, together. Step forward together down the path to being the couple you desire and envision for yourselves.
40 points and over
Many others might envy you for the vital, intimate sex life that you have. You are connected to your partner and enjoy your healthy relationship. We are all human, however, and not machines, so experiencing a passionate sex life doesn't mean absolutely everything is perfect. Sexuality is a life long learning process, especially sexuality shared in a relationship. Be aware that one of the only things you can count on being steady in life is change. Be prepared for change, and growth, in your relationship. Continue the essential behaviours of open communication and creativity in your relationship. It will put you in good stead for the future. Be mindful, that as we change, the need to continually communicate and check in with your partner becomes more acute. A love life assessment and 'zhoozh' to revamp and revive your emotional and sexual intimacy, once a year, or every couple of months, doesn't go astray. Just like many people regularly assess their finances and life goals, so should even the most solid couples talk with each other, to reinforce their priorities and passion for each other. Your relationship is positively passionate, and you and your partner deserve gold stars for relationship and sexual investment, but don t take it for granted! Great passion is actively pursued, not accidentally passive.